Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
