4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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