Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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