I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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