Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
