I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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