I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
