I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
