did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
