is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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