Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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