dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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