Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
