please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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