wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
