i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize