Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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