Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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