matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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