you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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