wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she smelled like a LAN party
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
