I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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