1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
