Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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