my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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