lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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