Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
