Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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