"it" just moved
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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