I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
