The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize