I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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