when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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