just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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