Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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