Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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