i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
