The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
