If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
