it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
