Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
