You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
