pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
