i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
