Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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