My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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