dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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