The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
