Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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