Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
