he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
