The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize