I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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