my mouth tastes like poor choices
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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