Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
