I need help removing her.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
