once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
