do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
