It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
