I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
