coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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