I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
