those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
