Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
