im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
