he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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