I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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