I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize