he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
