i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
