I'm going to jail i love you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
