I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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