I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
