why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
