True but thats because hes a fetus.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
