Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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