There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
