I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
