That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
