"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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