My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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