Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
