i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
