I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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