My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
