yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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