I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
