It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
