We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
