just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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