you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
