Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
