1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
