I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
