I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
